Christmas Blues

Christmastime doesn't look like it's going to be a good time for me this year.  If things stay on schedule, Christmas should be quite painful.

And it seems that, although the world isn't ending, my ability to control my emotions has gone right out the window.  All I want to do is sleep because I don't want to deal with my own feelings.  Which is a terrible way to live.

Having a good day, and still feisty...

I just realized that the URL for my blog, which was just an abbreviation, actually makes sense.  I fight lag.  That's how I feel.  When you're playing a video game and you're trying to run, and you're either not going anywhere or you're going backwards?  Yeah.  That's how I feel on an almost-daily basis.  Once I finally muster up the energy to get out of bed, I feel like there might as well be a gravitational pull to my bed, I have such a hard time getting anything accomplished.  I just don't have the energy to do anything.  I'm proud of myself if I manage to wear real clothes instead of sweatpants.

17 days until pre-op appointment... Yep, new year's eve.

I cannot even begin to explain how grateful I am for how supportive and caring my boyfriend has been.  I know endo is hard for me to deal with, but I can't even imagine how hard it can be for him to deal with me.  I know I'm no peach to be around when I'm in pain.

It's crazy how many people come out of the woodwork when they find out you're dealing with endo.  Someone that I've known for a year just told me that she has it.  A good friend of my boyfriend just told me the other night that his mom has it.  I guess it really is as common as they say it is.  Then why is there no damn improvement in treatment options, let alone a cure??  I bet if the people who are capable of finding a cure were subjected to the pain of endo, they would care a lot more about finding a way to cure it.

How many lives have to be controlled by such debilitating pain before something gets done?

Must start somewhere...

I think this will be good for me.  A place to safely express how I'm feeling, and maybe I can grow it into something that can educate people.

I'd like to document this medical journey/struggle, but also let out the feelings that are accompanied by it.

What is the struggle?  [Not yet diagnosed, but most likely] endometriosis.

Honestly, it frustrates me even more that the spell-checker didn't think "endometriosis" was a real word.  Well I'll tell you, the pain is very, very real.

A week ago, it was the pain that was really dragging me down.  This week, it's the fatigue.  I slept 8 hours last night, and I'm still exhausted.

27 days til the pre-op appointment.